Always Make New Mistakes

I was meandering through the pieces of flair on facebook, because I am avoiding other work I need to be doing, and found this gem. It got me to thinking.

How often as parents do we do the same thing expecting different results?

Over and over, we make the same mistakes. Communicating by yelling, saying things that sound suspiciously like our parents said to us that we hated, threatening and not following through. Not listening or understanding where the stuff that is driving us nuts is coming from. Really coming from. Did I mention not listening?

That is probably the mistake I make the most often. I am a repeat offender more often than I would like to admit. It's my most recurring mistake. Did you say something? Sorry, I was wallowing in a place that was all about me. My kid was doing that just to push my buttons, to make me mad, to waste my time.

Where I get stuck in the mistake cycle is that this parenting thing is all about me, right? What kind of parent do I look like on the outside to other people when my kids are acting out? Why am I the one who has to deal with this tough stuff and not my husband?

Discipline comes from the latin disciplina meaning instruction or knowledge. Instruction comes from teaching and knowledge comes from....listening.

Instead of continuing on the same path with the same results, let's try to do things a little differently. If you haven't had a chance to check out the work of B. Bryan Post, I would suggest you read some of his work on parenting, discipline, love and fear. He has podcasts, a newsletter, books and other great resources that will help each of us on that repeat offender status with our kids. And that yelling and not listening stuff I mentioned above can become a thing of the past for you (unless you really like it....)

Albert Einstein said "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Today will be the day I try something different. Even if I make a mistake, at least it won't be the same one and I can keep moving forward. As Bryan would say, "Choose Love". It's just a much better place to start the day from!

Life Isn't About Finding Yourself, Life is About Creating Yourself

For those of you who know my publishing company, EMK Press, you know we recently came out with a book for adopted teens. For those of you who don't, Pieces of Me: Who do I Want to Be? edited by Robert L.Ballard is the book I learned the most publishing. It's a submission based book with articles/artwork/poetry/prose from mostly adoptee contributors from the ages of 11 to 63. It is designed for a teen audience, both in look and substance. It is also a great resource for those who want to get a peek in the window of what their teens might be thinking/feeling. Any parents out there?

But mostly, it's a book that says everybody has a basket of crap to haul around. It's not about what is in the basket, but what you want to do with what is in the basket. There are many stories about very different kinds of baskets of crap. Abuse. Abandonment. Longing. Feelings. Sharing. What comes out is that each of us, regardless of who we are and what our life experiences are, not only has the basket with all that crap but each day we get to consider what we want to do with it. And there are an endless number of choices.

When life events seem overwhelming, we each get a chance every day to decide what to do. Wallow or not. Be angry, or not. Feel loved, or not. Be empowered, or not.

What is your choice?

With the choice of what you want to do with your basket of crap, you have a chance to choose who you are and who you want to be. And that may change tomorrow. And that is ok.

Who are you going to create today?