Ever do things the hard way? This flair really spoke to me because there are times I find myself working much harder at things than I really need to. Ever been to the grocery store, bought 15 or something and watched the check out person scan each and every item instead of punching in the number and scanning one?
Why is it that we do things the hard way?
My favorite "hard way" is how many people talk to kids. I watched a woman in a store recently lecturing a 3 year old on the virtues of not running away. After several sentences of instructions, the child had a glazed look on his face.
So what is a parent to do?
I love the advice of Dr. William Sears. He has 25 ways to talk so your child will listen
Here are some of my favorites of his ideas to help get you started. Click the link above for the rest...and realize that these work for a variety of ages. A toddler, a tween or teen, even your husband....
1. Connect before you direct
Before giving your child directions, squat to your child's eye level and engage your child in eye-to-eye contact to get his attention. Teach him how to focus: "Mary, I need your eyes." "Billy, I need your ears." Offer the same body language when listening to the child. Be sure not to make your eye contact so intense that your child perceives it as controlling rather than connecting.
2. Address the child
Open your request with the child's name, "Lauren, will you please..."
3. Stay brief
We use the one-sentence rule: Put the main directive in the opening sentence. The longer you ramble, the more likely your child is to become parent-deaf. Too much talking is a very common mistake when dialoging about an issue. It gives the child the feeling that you're not quite sure what it is you want to say. If she can keep you talking she can get you sidetracked.
4. Stay simple
Use short sentences with one-syllable words. Listen to how kids communicate with each other and take note. When your child shows that glazed, disinterested look, you are no longer being understood.
5. Ask your child to repeat the request back to you
If he can't, it's too long or too complicated.
So do it the easy way...keep it simple, use concise, direct language and even-tempered tones. See how that works in your house. When I can remember to do this, I find I have much better results.
