I was meandering through the pieces of flair on facebook, because I am avoiding other work I need to be doing, and found this gem. It got me to thinking.
How often as parents do we do the same thing expecting different results?
Over and over, we make the same mistakes. Communicating by yelling, saying things that sound suspiciously like our parents said to us that we hated, threatening and not following through. Not listening or understanding where the stuff that is driving us nuts is coming from. Really coming from. Did I mention not listening?
That is probably the mistake I make the most often. I am a repeat offender more often than I would like to admit. It's my most recurring mistake. Did you say something? Sorry, I was wallowing in a place that was all about me. My kid was doing that just to push my buttons, to make me mad, to waste my time.
Where I get stuck in the mistake cycle is that this parenting thing is all about me, right? What kind of parent do I look like on the outside to other people when my kids are acting out? Why am I the one who has to deal with this tough stuff and not my husband?
Discipline comes from the latin disciplina meaning instruction or knowledge. Instruction comes from teaching and knowledge comes from....listening.
Instead of continuing on the same path with the same results, let's try to do things a little differently. If you haven't had a chance to check out the work of B. Bryan Post, I would suggest you read some of his work on parenting, discipline, love and fear. He has podcasts, a newsletter, books and other great resources that will help each of us on that repeat offender status with our kids. And that yelling and not listening stuff I mentioned above can become a thing of the past for you (unless you really like it....)
Albert Einstein said "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
Today will be the day I try something different. Even if I make a mistake, at least it won't be the same one and I can keep moving forward. As Bryan would say, "Choose Love". It's just a much better place to start the day from!
Carrie,
ReplyDeleteThis is a wonderful page, and I love the buttons! And that "always make new mistakes" is priceless. The "Parenting is all about me" line is a great wake up call to us all. I museoften on how much I become the central figure in my parenting also, and how often my son, the most precious thing in the world, takes a distant second. Hmmmmmm. Thanks for the words of wisdom and humor. -- David
The blog is a gem.
ReplyDeleteCarry on!
Hi Carrie - we are running this short piece about your wonderful article.
ReplyDelete"While preparing this edition of the Post Vibe, I came across a blog by our publisher friend Carrie Kitze (EMK Press) who posed a great question “How often as parents do we do the same thing expecting different results?” I have been quoting Bishop T.D. Jakes for a long time, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you will always be what you’ve already been”. (with apologies to Zig Ziglar who said something similar a way long time ago). Carrie went on to talk about the same mistakes we parents make, and how they sometimes look a lot like the mistakes our parents made.
She went on to say, “Where I get stuck in the mistake cycle is that this parenting thing is all about me, right? What kind of parent do I look like on the outside to other people when my kids are acting out? Why am I the one who has to deal with this tough stuff and not my husband?” Me, Me, Me. And we thought parenting is about the children… There is hope though, as Carrie says, Always Make New Mistakes!. But hey, why listen to me rambling on about her wonderful article – why not go there yourself, read the whole thing, then you can leave her a comment. Go to http://parentingwithflair.blogspot.com/. Choose Love, B"