Who Said There Had To Be A Point to the Story?

We all have our own stories: how we got here, who we are, who we want to be. For each of us it is a unique journey and for some it is an easier one than others.

I was born into a family as the second child. My parents did the best they knew how, but my mom struggled. With parenting, with who she was, with giving love since she didn't get the love she thought she deserved when she was a child. There are days I wallow more in what could have been than others. She died five years ago of breast cancer. I had hoped that there would be a chance for a closeness, a change in outlook, but there wasn't. So that's a card in my deck, and one that is my problem. But I can see the effects of that card as I raise my girls.

My children have come to our family through adoption. Someone made a decision to not parent them, for whatever reason, and they have a different deck of cards to play. My youngest feels the loss with her heart and soul. It is woven in the very fabric of her being. She is always testing to make sure love is readily available and we do our best to meet her where she needs to be. But somedays, it's hard. I look at that card in my deck and wonder why she should get what I didn't. Here I am sounding like a selfish three year old. I know in my mind that I am lucky to be able to do for someone what another wasn't able to do for me. But my heart still has a hole in it for what I lost. Not unlike the hole she has for what she lost. Perhaps, together we can work to mitigate the loss. Not replace it, but get our arms around it, embrace it and walk forward together.

So what's my point? Don't really have one except to document the moment and hope that in the sharing it makes someone else think about their deck of cards and how it impacts those around them.