Who Stole My Happy Place?

For us, school is winding down this week and it is a time of major transitions. The structure of school gives comfort to many kids and mine are no different. They know what to expect. There are things to do that keep them busy. It's predictable.

Now, that doesn't mean they don't grouse about school and the work they have to do. For some kids, down time is scary time. Especially for kids who have been through multiple transitions with no control over the outcome (think abandonment or relenquishment, transition to orphanage or baby home, transition to foster family (or families), transition to adoptive family.) For these kids, transition can be a really frightening thing because big things happen with transitions. Because of this, you might see a number of coping strategies emerge. Some kids get quiet and go inside themselves, others blow up for what seems like no reason. Others are just plain on edge. Seen that in your house lately?

How can we help?

First, name the feeling.
Adults are afraid of some transitions as well. Talk about the changes, how and what your child is feeling, and help your child see what parts of it they can control. Take a camera to school and take photos of their friends and their old classroom. If they are moving to new rooms in the fall and you don't know the teacher yet, take photos of all their rooms to make the speculation more concrete. Talk about what if each scenario occurred. "What would it be like to get Mrs. X?" "How about Mr. Y?" "What would be different if you had Miss Z?" Helping kids understand that they can get their arms around the unknown helps make the transition go a little smoother.

Create a sense of routine.
For a number of years, we have created a notebook that the kids work on a little each day through the summer. There are math worksheets, books to read, forms for making book reports, science experiments, places to draw, letters to write, fun activities using at home stuff. There are tabs for the week so you need to get through the items from one week to move to the next. Make this something your child will enjoy by putting some activities that they really enjoy as "assignments". (Finding and cooking a recipe, laying on your back finding shapes in the clouds, walking 6000 steps, reading a set number of books, playing a new game every week...) At the end of each completed week (or when the entire book is done) offer a reward: an outing to a favorite place, gift cards, something special they can earn like a DS game. Better yet, have them help you pick the reward.

Find a new happy place
Summer gives us new time to connect as a family and it doesn't have to be a big deal or cost much. We toast marshmallows, catch lightening bugs, dance in the rain, run through the sprinklers, read out loud to each other, cook and eat together and just generally hang and recharge as a family. Connections and a safe place to come home to make for a new happy place.